Dirty riddles aren't actually as dirty as we think they are and of course, you are never to old for riddles .
Are you ready to give them a shot?
They're not only dirty or s£xy but are also hilarious at the same time. It's totally okay not to get any, LOL dirty mind.
Be sure to ask your friends these dirty riddles and watch 'em wallow in guilt.
LMAO
Here are some best dirty riddles of all time:
1. What goes up, lets out a load and goes back down?
Elevator, duh.
2. I come in a lot of different sizes. Sometimes, I drip a little. If you blow me, it feels really good. What am I?
Your nose.
Yup.
3. You stick your poles inside me. You tie me down to get me up. I get wet before you do. What am I?
A tent, hehehe.
4. What four-letter word begins with “f” and ends with “k,” and if you can’t get it you can always just use your hands?
A fork.
What were you thinking?
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5. All day long it’s in and out. I discharge loads from my shaft. Both men and women go down on me. What am I?
Still an elevator, silly.
6. I’m spread out before being eaten. Your tongue gets me off. Sometimes people lick my nuts. What am I?
Peanut butter, silly.
7. What three-letter word starts with an “s,” ends with “x,” and has a vowel in the middle?
Six.
LOL
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Popcorn.
LMAO
9. When I go in, I can cause some pain. I’ll fill your holes when you ask me to. I also ask that you spit and not swallow. What am I?
*wink*
Your dentist.
10. I assist with erections. Sometimes, giant balls hang from me. I’m known as a big swinger. What am I?
A crane, of course.
11. What’s beautiful and natural, but gets prickly if it isn’t trimmed regularly?
The lawn.
Hehehe
12. What gets longer if pulled, fits snugly between breasts, slides neatly into a hole, chokes people when used incorrectly, and works well when jerked?
A seatbelt, yo!
13. What does a dog do that a man steps into?
Pants, yeah.
14. Name a word that starts with “f” and ends with “u-c-k”?
Firetruck!
LOL
15. My business is briefs. I’m a cunning linguist. I plead and plead for it regularly. What am I?
A lawyer, jeez.
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Gloves.
Hahaha.
17. I’m the highlight of many dates. I’m especially responsive when you put your fingers deep inside me. What am I?
A bowling ball, yup.
18. What’s made of rubber, handed out at some schools, and exists to prevent mistakes?
Erasers.
Cleanse your dirty mind.
19. It’s a fun thing to do and you devote a significant amount of energy to thinking about it, but you hate knowing that your parents are doing it. What is it?
Facebook.
LOL
20. What’s white, sticky and better to spit than to swallow?
Toothpaste.
If you thought the other, we should be friends🤝
21. Who’s the most popular guy at the nudist colony?
The guy who can carry a cup of coffee in each hand, plus a dozen donuts.
22. Who’s the most popular girl at the nudist colony?
The one who can eat the last donut!
23. What’s most useful when it’s long and hard?
An education, duh.
24. What do you wrap your mouth around every morning and night that leaves you feeling refreshed?
Toothbrush.
You get it?
25. Many people like these to be as long as possible, but short ones can be effective. It’s definitely possible for them to be too long. What are they?
Tweets, of course
26. What does a woman have two of that a cow has four of?
Legs.
Hehehe
27. Sometimes a finger goes inside me. You fiddle with me when you’re bored. The best man always has me first. What am I?
Your wedding band.
Hmmm
28. How do you make five pounds of fat look good?
Put a nipple on it.
LOL
29. What is soft and wet on the inside while hard and hairy on the outside? The word begins with “c,” ends in “t,” and there’s a “u” and an “n” between them.
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30. What’s long and hard when it’s young and soft and small when it’s old?
A candle.
Just wow.
31. I am always hard when dry but smooth and soft when wet. What am I?
Sponge.
Ohhh wow
32. I go in hard, come out soft, and you love to blow me. What am I?
Chewing gum, yup.
33. What’s at least six inches long, goes in your mouth, and is more fun when it vibrates?
An electric toothbrush, yeah.
34. You play with it at night and it vibrates. What is it?
A cell phone.
LOL, dirty mind.
35. What is the difference between a woman’s G-spot and a quarter?
Men actually have a chance of finding a quarter when they search for it.
Hehehe.
36. You truly enjoy this when you spread it. What is it?
Butter.
Wow
37. You can’t taste it unless you undress it. What is it?
A banana.
Cleanse your mind!
38. What does a bride get on her wedding day that’s long and sometimes hard?
Yo, a new last name!
39. What’s the difference between an oral thermometer and a rectal thermometer?
The taste.
Just wow.
40. What goes in dry and hard but comes out wet and soft?
Pasta.
LOL
41. What do you insert in a small hole and twist all the way around?
A Q-tip.
Hmm
42. What’s the speed limit of sex?
It’s 68, but at 69 you have to turn around.
If you don't get it, forget about it.
43. What is six inches long, two inches wide, and everyone goes crazy over?
A $100 bill.
Well, yeah
44. What is six inches long, sweet on the lips, and goes down better with butter?
Corn on the cob.
Ohhh okay
45. What is super hard and goes into a tiny hole?
A key.
Pretty funny.
46. What’s long and hard and has the word ‘cum’ in it?
A cuCUMber.
LOL
47. You have to blow it to play with it. What is it?
A balloon.
I guess we both had the same stuff in mind. *wink*
48. I have a stiff shaft. My tip penetrates. I come with a quiver. What am I?
An arrow, of course!
49. What is the difference between “ooooooh” and “aaaaaaah”?
About three inches.
Well, yeah
50. What does every woman have that starts with a “v” that she can use to get what she wants?
Her voice.
If you thought the other, we should be friends please🤝
LOL
51. What do men keep in their pants that their partners sometimes blow?
Money.
I thought...well nevermind.
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52. What does a man have in his trousers that a lady doesn’t want on her face?
Wrinkles.
Ohhh okay
53. What’s in a man’s pants that you just won’t find in a girl’s pants?
Pockets.
Hmmm
54. Why is a man’s voice louder than a woman’s?
Men have an antenna.
Alright.
55. Arnold Schwarzenegger’s is big. Donald Trump’s is small. And Madonna doesn’t have one. What is it?
A last name.
Nice one.
56. Some people prefer being on top, others prefer being on the bottom, and it always involves a bed. What is it?
A bunk bed.
LOL
57. You get a lot of it if you’re important and successful; you get less when you’re just starting out. You sometimes do it with yourself if you need to, but it’s a lot better when it’s with other people. What is it?
Email.
LMAO.
58. I grow in a bed, first white then red, and the plumper I get, the better women like me. What am I?
A strawberry.
Well, okay.
59. Over 1,000 people went down on me. I wasn’t a maiden for long. Something really big and hard ripped me open. What am I?
The Titanic.
Yeah.
60. What holds your buns firmly and makes them look round and pretty?
A hair tie.
Buns not bums, silly.
61. What gets wetter when things get steamy?
Steamboats.
Wow
62. An expensive piece of tail, I come with a large “pair.” What am I?
A lobster.
Nice.
63. What does a man have that begins with “P” and gets bigger if it’s properly stimulated?
The pupil of his eye.
Aah!
64. I’m long, hard, and I point up. I have to be slippery for you to go down me. You put your hands on me and then go up and down. What am I?
Railing.
Nice..
65. If you see me in bed, you whack me off. The bigger I am, the louder you scream. Seeing what’s between my hairy legs will make your skin crawl. What am I?
A spider.
Ohh wow.
66. What’s beautiful and natural but gets long and prickly if it isn’t trimmed regularly?
Grass.
LOL.
67. If I miss, I hit your bush. It’s my job to stuff your box. When I come, it’s news. What am I?
A newspaper delivery person.
Just Wow
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68. What’s the best part of your body to put into a pie?
Your teeth.
Well, yeah.
69. I am dirty, people like to put their wood in me but only Santa goes down on me. What am I?
A fireplace, you dirty mind.
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